Originally posted December 20, 2011
((Kah'ge was not my first character in Star Wars: The Old Republic. She was the first to start talking to me. As I worked through a guild questionnaire, his is what she said.))
"You ask as if these terms can define me. I am a student of the Force, a Jedi in common parlance. As such, my goals align most closely with those that have identified themselves as a republic. Some may describe me as a spy, a shadow, but is that something a true master of espionage would reveal except as a method to throw the unwary off of her track? In so much as you have asked, I have provided an answer. It is up to you to ponder and determine its meaning."
She does not look at me. She does not look at anything nor does she stare straight ahead as bind humans do. A lavender veil falls across her vestigial eyes. A tightly woven, leather band holds back functionally cut, grey hair. Her head moves with its own rhythm; delicate cheekbones and thin chin tilting and turning. I am reminded of a subtly colored bird of the Traeth Forest, always watchful, vigilant, aware.
"I am called Kah'ge," she continues, "my father Kah'kat, my mother Kah'jahid, in accordance with the record keeping of familiar units among my people. Does the rolling of the sibilant sounds of language across my tongue signify my true name, my true connection with the field that binds and strengthens all living things? I think not. I am what I am and what I am cannot be described by based consonants or vowels. Still, using Kah'ge does help identify me from the throng; something for my companions to use in gaining my attention. It does serve some purpose." She smiled, intrigued by some inner joke. Looking again at this woman, I could not help but think she needed little help in standing out among a crowd.
I grunted another question. They seemed course and unrefined. "I do not know where my parents reside or the status or condition of my siblings, old friends, or whether my sculpting studio stands unused. These are connections a Jedi leaves behind as they progress in the order. These are passions that prevent a true understanding of the Force, the expression of compassion, and the execution of justice. You may as well ask who is it that I love or hate. The answer is the same. There is no space in my life for love nor hate, lust nor rage. These the obfuscating clouds and discordant cacophonies that would divert me from my dream of serving the Force, the people of this, Republic."
I lean forward, listening to the words as they danced off of her lips and into the air. Tight burst of thought set free from her erudite mind. "If I were to voice a fear, it would be that my companions would fall to these passions, that I find myself relying on the besotted, the vengeful, the angry, the fearful. I fear that I will reach out a hand in need only to find it grasping at air." I did not smile. I tried not to offer up any hint that I had discovered a flaw, a limitation. I would not describe it as arrogance or pride. The woman held herself with all the humility befitting a Jedi.
For all her compassion, Kah'ge lacked empathy. This woman could not understand what drew another to their passions, or how those desires might serve as fuel for some others. Actions and reactions would fall into a zero sum calculation, figured and weighed with cool dispassion. This woman might never understand friendship; she might never truly understand the needs of those people she claimed to serve. As I listen to her words answer the remaining questions, I feel a sense of sadness.
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